Sex On My Mind | Christian Girl Talk

Friday, July 28, 2017

*WARNING - This is a long post, so get comfortable, make sure you have time to complete it before you sit down to read*

Many young girls and young women in particular have, on various, occasions, approached me about their struggle with this issue. I myself struggle with this and I am very aware of how it affects us physically, mentally and spiritually.

Unfortunately, it is not a topic that is widely addressed as it is uncomfortable and embarrassing to talk about it. Prior to even writing this post, I had many reservations, as I was concerned about people's initial reactions. But you know what girlfriends?! (Lol, I know right, where is this american-ness come from? hahaha) Of what good is it to us to shy away from the very issues we all face and struggle with, whilst we all wonder 'Is something wrong with me? Am I the only one', when God has given us each other to exhort and build one another up in the faith?!

As women, we have our menstrual cycle each month, well except for the odd months when T.O.M decides to grace us with a gift of freedom lol. I will begin with the scientific processes that happen in and with our body during our menstrual cycle, then speak about how this affects us physically and mentally and ultimately spiritually and how we can deal with this.

We all know how painful our menstrual cycle can sometimes be. Now, don't expect a science lesson, I am no scientist! All my research here, has been gathered from various sources, which I will list right at the bottom. I am going to be specific to what relates to this post and provide a brief description, feel free to do your own research to further increase your knowledge.

The Science Bit

At the beginning of the menstrual cycle, a hormone called follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) is produced by the pituitary gland in our brain. (Go back to the days of your science lesson, yup those moments you were sending notes, making fun of this topic I am sure was super uncomfortable for your teacher to teach lool). A hormone called oestrogen is also produced and is at its lowest on the first day of our period. It's levels increases as the follicles grow.

One of Oestrogen's effects is increasing the levels of serotonin and the number of serotonin receptors in the brain. Serotonin is a chemical in the brain which helps relay signals across brain cells. These brain cells include mood and sexual desire.

High levels of oestrogen is associated with the appearance of 'sperm-friendly' mucus or fertile cervical mucus, it's scientific name. This is a thin, slippery discharge that may look cloudy white. Sperm can swim more easily through this mucus and can survive in it for several days.

The level of oestrogen continues to increase and eventually causes a rapid rise in luteinising hormone (LH surge). This causes the dominant follicle to rupture or burst and release the mature egg from the ovary into the fallopian tube, this is known as ovulation. Days leading up to ovulation and the ovulation day are when we are most fertile - when we are likely to get pregnant.

The Physical Bit

A woman's sexual desire is at it's highest at the same time her fertility is at it's highest. It makes sense right? Right before our period and during our period, we are less likely to have sexual desires, which happens to be when we are less fertile. When the ovulation process begins to kick in, after our period ends, and oestrogen levels increase, our body begins to experience changes that lead to extra sensitivity.

As mentioned above, oestrogen is responsible for the production of cervical mucus, which of course causes extra sensitivity in our lady area during that time. This is already one attribute to an increase in sexual desires. Secondly, the high levels of oestrogen, simultaneously, increases the level of serotonin in our brain, which in turn affects our mood and sexual desires. During this time, other parts of our body become extra sensitive, as I am sure you have noticed.

Now think with me, cervical mucus, increased body sensitivity, high levels of serotonin affecting our mood and sexual desires.....where is all this going to lead to? Of course I am going to be thinking about sex a lot more! In fact I have found myself feeling sexually attracted to guys I would never look at twice during this time! We feel sexier, and amazing enough, guys are able to detect this change in our body without us even having to say a word.

Now if we are surrounded by sexually stimulating visuals during this time; such as romantic movies, sex scenes, romantic novels, sexual conversations, and in fact almost anything romantic, and even sometimes things not even distinctively romantic,  these become motivators for our minds and bodies to think and feel further.

The Spiritual Bit

As a young girl or woman seeking to live a life pleasing to God, we choose not to get involved in sexual immorality or fornication. We choose to keep ourselves pure prior to our wedding day. This does not mean it's easy to do so. With all that I have relayed to you above, it is clear that it can be extremely difficult.  Our body, mind and this world seem to all be against us!

But there is a solution! The freedom of choice. It is NOT wrong to have sexual desires or have sexual thoughts, it is virtually unavoidable as shown above. Something is NOT wrong with you! What can become wrong is the action we take leading on from these thoughts and desires.

God made us perfect, and it wasn't an 'oops' moment when He created us with the ability to have sexual desires even outside of a marriage. It is a part of the body's natural process enabling us to bear children. If we are constantly watching romantic scenes and scenes we should not be watching, reading romantic books and having sexually driven conversations, this will become fuel for us to eventually fall into the trap of allowing our flesh to lead. I'm not saying we cannot watch romantic comedies/movies.....but when it's a constant thing, especially around that time of the month, don't be surprised with increased sexual thoughts and desires.

Self control is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit, whom we all desperately need. It is with this self control that I have resisted each and every temptation which has come my way. The Holy Spirit gives  me a nudging when I watch what I shouldn't, He nudges me, when I am in conversations I shouldn't be in. In fact even without the Holy Spirit, our conscience does this work. It's up to us to listen to what we know to be right, or allow our flesh to lead. The decision we make results in the consequence we face.

Some like myself will say, Marilyn, I am 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 years old..........and on and on....I am not married, I am given over to Christ, but girl, it is hard over here! Girl I understand you!! Believe me I do! Historically, girls were married off at a very young age compared to today, and we would actually already be married by now with our children crowded around our feet.

This is where our relationship and transparency with God comes in. Yes it's an embarrassing topic to  even talk to God about, but He is the only one I can be completely naked before and not have to worry about judgement. I go to Him about EVERYTHING, including this, I express how I am feeling and ask for strength to continue to live in His will. Rushing ahead to marry someone, even when you know he ain't right, just so you can relieve your sexual desires in sleeping with the person is STUPID! Forgive me, but it is!!

Marriage is soooo much more than sex! I am sure my married friends will agree with me on this!

So you got married to the guy God told you not to, even though you saw many signs and had no peace about him, but you went ahead anyway. The honeymoon arrives, you have sex.....and then? You go back home to start your life and all those bad character traits, bad habits, personality traits, and the wrongs you pushed to the back of your mind, all begin to shout in your face every single day. Oh no, but guess what? You can have sex right? Many, many, many, many women AND men, have unfortunately found themselves in this situation and now have to struggle through the journey to a happy marriage. I do believe these marriages can turn around, God is the God of new long as we seek Him for it. But as the saying goes, prevention is better than cure.

We who are single right now, have a great advantage, we can truly choose to obey God when He says no, and trust in His timing and guidance when it comes to our future 'hot-spice' hubby! Yes I said 'hot-spice' lol, I believe God for that!!

Phew!! Such a long post, but I truly hope it blessed you as it has me! This is the beginning of hopefully many more posts like these, addressing the issues we all face, but unfortunately are rarely spoken about it.

Share this post with your friends, particularly female friends, and share your thoughts down below. Put down any topics you would like to see spoken about and I'll do my best to address it.

Speak Soon. X

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